Elfen Lied: Episode 9

We open on the music box, playing the melody of the theme song. Li'l Lucy gives Li'l Kouta the stink eye and the two stay quiet for the moment. Li'l Kouta closes the box and Lucy admits that she likes the song. Kouta seems pleased that she's pleased at things, but is distracted by her horns. Lucy starts to get angry and considers killing everyone. Really, everyone. Her vectors hover across the ground, but before Lucy can get a kill-shot, Kouta practically attacks her with giddiness. Her horns are the best things he's ever seen. Kouta extends his hand in friendship, saying he's staying with family and has to go home in few days, but would like to hang out until then. Lucy gets a flash of the Random Girl from last episode who sold out Puppy of Imminent Doom, and scoffs at Kouta's friend request. She walks off with Kouta yelling that he'll be back to meet her the following day at the same spot.

News Lady on the TV reports that there are no clues regarding the child murders that took place that morning/last episode, and they're looking for a child believed to be 'involved.' Li'l Lucy is taking a shower, with the sun, apparently:


She calmly walks out, turns off the TV, and heads to the 'fridge, revealing in the foreground three dead bodies on the floor. This... isn't her house.

The next day, Li'l Lucy stands in the rain at the path where Puppy is buried and looks to the sky. Either the bird she sees sounds just like Li'l Kouta, or she's remembering how Kouta said he'd be back to see her. Either way, she doesn't see Kouta. Suddenly embarrassed by her icky feelings, Lucy looks down at Puppy's grave and tells him that she just, "wanted to be by [his] side." Aw. Before she can add, "No, really!" two police officers walk out of the forest. They talk about how it sure does suck that there was another murder and all. One of them even adds, "This is no time to be looking for a missing girl..." It isn't? I know we know the missing girl and the murderer are one in the same (Li'l Lucy), but the police don't. Isn't "crazy, child murder on the loose" a great time to be looking for missing kids? If only to use them as bait, even. One officer stops as if he's found Lucy off to the side of his peripheral vision, and Lucy raises a vector. But, it's science-fiction, so no one really has peripheral vision. He was only stopping to note the rain was started up again, and they walk off.

Li'l Lucy sits in the rain and Li'l Kouta appears from nowhere to place a ski cap on Lucy's head. "If you don't like those horns, then just keep them hidden." I guess murder was a little drastic. The two go to sit in a mountain-side shrine to get out of the rain. Li'l Kouta tells Li'l Lucy that he happened upon her after sketching a landscape in his sketchpad, and, well, she was looking all sad and stuff. Then when he found out she liked the music box melody, and oh, it was like it was meant to be! The two listen to the music box for a while in silence. Again.

Out in town, Li'l Kouta tells Li'l Lucy they'll play again and runs home. Li'l Lucy actually looks a little happy for once. But that can't last, so two more police officers ride up on bicycles and tell her to go home because it's dangerous outside this late. "And hey, you wouldn't happen to know the whereabouts of a little girl who looks just like you and is suspected of being involved in that child killing, would you? Nah. Go on home unescorted." As Li'l Lucy walks off, she realizes that if the police know there was another murder, then they've found the last place she was staying, and can't go back. She comes to a house with a happy family talking and playing inside. It physically hurts her to hear it. The mother inside the house tells the kids to behave and wait for their father to come home.

Cut to: Father's home! He notes that it's quiet and dark inside the house, possibly because his family's been murdered. Then he sees Li'l Lucy, shadowed in the hallway and assumes it's his daughter. He starts to ask why it's so dark inside, but --


-- his head falls off. The camera pans down to show the mother dead on the floor. "This will stop the noise for now," adorable Li'l Lucy says to the bodies.

Behatted Li'l Lucy stands in the woods, waiting for Li'l Kouta, and mentions that it's 'been three days,' presumably, since she's last seen him. Just as she starts to doubt he'll ever come back, we hear gasps as Li'l Kouta jogs up the path. Li'l Lucy's happy to see him, until he tells her that he came by to tell her goodbye, but they should play all day. Li'l Lucy seems confused by this human word... 'play' is it? The two start the day off with a bus ride. Inside, Li'l Kouta has to explain what zoos are. "I really like looking at strange animals," he says. Oops.

The two walk through the zoo hand-in-hand, again, unescorted while a murderer is running around killing children and families. As Li'l Kouta tries to decode the zoo directory, Li'l Lucy overhears a couple talk about a new murder. She gets a little annoyed upon hearing this, and very matter-of-factly, voice-overs, "I need to kill someone again and find a place to hide." Realizing that she just calmly thought about homicide as a normal part of her day, Li'l Lucy freaks out, retreating into a dream world. Apparently, the same one Yuka visited in Episode 4, because the mannequins are back, this time with glowing, blue eyes. She asks herself why she's been killing, and she responds to herself, "Because you like killing people." There's some back and forth between herself and she tries to reason with the voices, embodied by Li'l Lucy doppelgangers wrapped up like mummies, but Li'l Lucy finally snaps out of it. She tells Li'l Kouta that she spaced out due to the heat, and he suggests they find a cooler place. If they were older, and this was a slightly different media, the muted porn-guitars would kick in right here.

They find a stream... somewhere, and the two start splashing each other almost immediately. After a short, yet spirited water battle, the two sit in the sun, back to back and naked, letting their clothes dry off. Lucy turns to Li'l Kouta and tells him that today was the most fun she's ever had. She even starts to tear up. He tells her that she must be exaggerating, but she responds, "I'll never forget about being with you today," and puts her head on his shoulder. It's actually kind of sweet. However, being the show that this is, you have to know that the happier and sweeter a scene is, it only means more badness will come later.

On the bus ride home, Li'l Lucy asks about a festival Li'l Kouta is going to tomorrow. After the festival, he's headed back home, so it would be the last time the two could meet up. But, Li'l Kouta already promised to go with his cousin, which for some reason means no one else can go with them, I guess. She tries asking him if his cousin is a girl, getting a little jealous, but is interrupted by a bump in the road. Too embarrassed to ask the questions again, the voices fill in for Li'l Kouta. They tell Li'l Lucy that he's probably going with a girl. and imply that it's because he loves someone else. As she starts feeling sorry for herself, the voices add, "If you want to stop these feelings, all you have to do is kill." She insists that she'd never be able to kill Kouta, but as she comes out of her hallucinatory state, she's on top of Li'l Kouta, both hands wrapped around his throat. She stops, of course, and while still confused, Li'l Lucy asks Li'l Kouta, "If I ever kill a lot of people... will you kill me?" Reasonable question from a little girl. Li'l Kouta just sort of stares at her, and the bus driver apparently didn't notice that one of the only two passengers on the bus almost killed the other, because the bus doesn't even slow down.

The two stand on some steps watching the ocean, the attempted murder forgotten. Li'l Lucy starts to sing the melody from the music box, and Li'l Kouta joins in. The two look back at the ocean and the light from the setting sun just barely makes it into frame. I'm not sure if it's the shot itself, or the fact that song has been engraved in my skull as that creepy song Lucy sings in the first episode, but this scene is both beautiful and creepy as all fuckout.

A street light kicks in overhead as the two say their goodbyes. Li'l Kouta says that he'll be back next year and that they should get together again. Li'l Lucy finally forces out the questions again, asking if Li'l Kouta's cousin is a boy or a girl. He tells her his cousin is a boy, understanding what's going on for one of the few times in the series, because we should all know the cousin he's meeting is Yuka. She tells him that she'll come see him off at the train station, and before he can protest, she runs off. To kill, most likely.

The next day, Li'l Lucy stands over the grave of Puppy and tells him that she finally met a person she can confide in. More to the point, if she sees him before he leaves, she'll tell him how she really feels about him. Get ready for badness.

At the festival, she finds Li'l Kouta, but before she can work up the nerve to talk to him, Li'l Yuka comes in and starts crying. She doesn't want Li'l Kouta to leave, either. Seeing that his cousin is really a girl, and that Li'l Kouta is comforting her, Li'l Lucy starts to tear up again. As she's staring at the cousins, a drunk bumps into her, knocking her to the ground. Laying in the dirt, she says aloud, "He already had someone he liked." The voices produce a Kouta clone to tell Li'l Lucy, "There's no way I would like a girl with such weird horns." He's only into normal-horned girls. She asks him why he was being nice to her, and he tells her again, "I like looking at strange looking animals." She reels back, having a physical reaction to his words. Looking back up, she sees Headless Li'l Kouta taunting her. Even Dead Puppy falls from the Heavens in front of her and bleeds all over the dream world's floor. Random Girl shows up, not only to taunt, but to show off the gaping wound in her face that Li'l Lucy had given her. Feeling really overwhelmed, Li'l Lucy turns to vomit. I hope she remembers to crack a window in the dream world. One of the Li'l Lucy doppelgangers walks in and tries to comfort her. She tells herself that she's only going to keep feeling like this until she admits she's right, "This world is not a world that I should be in. Change the world... into my world."

Back in the real world, another drunk walks up to Li'l Lucy and complains that she's in his way. Onlookers start to gather to look at the unconscious girl to ask what's wrong with her, but without really helping. She stand up, and says goodbye to Kouta. The drunk demands she move, and the hat Li'l Kouta gave her comes off. Not unlike Clark Kent taking off his glasses. Everyone in the crowd around Li'l Lucy is cut in half, with one swift movement of a vector. Everyone else nearby starts to scream and run off, thinking a bomb just went off. Li'l Lucy shows no emotion as she walks off towards where she saw Li'l Kouta and Yuka. A woman, noticing Li'l Lucy is covered in blood, stops to ask if she's okay. Then her head falls off. She's out to kill everyone. Kanae, Kouta's sister, is hiding just out of Lucy's sight.

We cut to the train station later that night, where Kanae is trying to convince her family that a little girl with horns was responsible for all the blood and screaming at the festival. Li'l Yuka stands close to Li'l Kouta during the explanation, clearly believing at least a little bit of the story. Nearby, Li'l Lucy is watching. With a voice-overed, "Liar!" we're thrust back to present day. Lucy wakes up to hear Yuka and Kouta talking about rice porridge. Mmm. We zoom in slightly on Yuka. Obviously, the main target of Lucy's rage, at the moment. Could be a can of Red Bull in a second. As long as Lucy's mad at something, she's happy.

Outside, Nana and Mayu have arrived back at Hotel Runaway. Nana's sure Lucy is back and notes that it's too quiet. Lucy may have already killed the cousins. Mayu doesn't like that idea, and runs for the door before Nana can stop her. Before she can get to the door, Lucy slides it open. She gives Nana the death stare and we cut to the end credits.

If I can ramble on for a moment, one of the things that really bothers me about fiction villains (and for the sake of argument, I'm considering Lucy a villain), is that they are often just 'the bad guy.' Big handlebar moustache and a maniacal laugh, tying any dame he sees to railroad tracks. They often serve no purpose but to be against the main character. But Lucy is very different. She's a 'true' villain; you can empathize with her on certain levels. Maybe not the severing heads level, but the parts about feeling ostracized for something she can't help, feeling powerless, alone. Twisted as her motivations might be, they're there, and they have a very basic theme to them. A villain can never just be the bad guy; they have to be humanized in order for them to feel real. In order to make them truly terrifying. This episode and the last are here to humanize Lucy and make you care for someone who can kill a dozen people with batting an eye. And, as far as I'm concerned, they did an excellent job.

Elfen Lied: Episode 8

Nyuu is thrown back into some decorative stuff they keep around at Hotel Runaway for fight scenes. Yuka runs to Nyuu's aid (people run to her aid a lot in this episode), even though Nyuu cries out for Kouta. Nana yells at Nyuu to stop playing, "'Cause things won't go like last time!" Mayu joins Yuka, and Nana just doesn't understand how bursting into someone's home and throwing them across the room could be considered offensive. As she ponders, Kouta spins Nana around and smacks her hard. He's a little protective of his hos. Nobody understands why anybody is doing anything, and no one's talking about it. Except for Mayu who starts apologizing for everything that's ever happened. Nana insists that "Lucy" is the bad person here and can't understand why everyone's helping her. Nana's just trying to be a good girl. If I didn't make jokes, I'd just cry into my keyboard. Off-screen, Nyuu is unconscious and Kouta goes over to help Yuka. Nana runs off in a cloud of title screens:


Nana cries and talks to herself outside, on the steps. She turns when she hears Mayu running after her. She's brought Nana her purse. Nana tries to run off again, insisting that she hates them all because they're trying to make her the bad guy. When she tries to storm off further, Mayu grabs one of Nana's arms, which promptly pops. The dog watches on in... nothing, really. It's a fucking dog.

Some time later, somewhere else, Nana and Mayu sit to be in denial about stuff together. Mayu asks if Nana isn't the bad one, "suddenly doing that to Nyuu." Nana goes, "Nuh-uh!" Then -- it's a helicopter! That's how scene transitions tend to work in this show.

The helicopter lands outside Diclonius HQ and Kak Jr.'s assistant steps off in a re-introduction that lasts far too long. She's lead down a hallway by Nana's father's assistant. I'm great with names. In short: she was border-line kidnapped and hasn't showered in a few days. She's carrying a bag, which we soon find out, is holding her former boss' severed head, and she's there to deliver it to his father. See? He even has his tongue sticking out in typical, comedic fashion so you know he's dead:
The assistant more-or-less asks Kak Sr., "Yeah, I can go now, right?" She's very nonchalant about delivering severed heads to family members. I'm surprised she doesn't ask for a tip. Kak pulls out a gun. So, no, you can't go. Since Assistant Nonchalant has seen Kak Jr.'s horns, Kak Sr. can't allow her to go around blabbing about it. She gets the shaky, anime eye, then tries to run away, but were hear a shot and --

Back with Mayu and Nana, Nana has apparently told Mayu about all the cool stuff that Lucy did in episode one. But Mayu has only been formally introduced to Nyuu; she doesn't believe Nyuu could've done anything that awesome. To prove that her arms and legs don't exist anymore, Nana jumps up and pops off an arm. She goes in to try and explain the vectors by floating two of them out around Mayu's head, but since only the audience can see them, it doesn't really do anything. Mayu's eyes are big and what-the-fucky, I'd guess from the arm popping off. Which makes her stupid considering that's now the third time she's seen Nana remove an appendage that night. Mayu makes clear her confusion and worry to Nana, asking, "What?" Nana explains that she'll show Mayu 'what' and gets a dead look in her eyes as she pulls back a vector. Mayu stares in... stupidness, and Wanta the dog barks at the writers for making such an obvious fake-out. Mayu'll be fine. Just --

Assistant Nonchalant (AN) is shocked, SHOCKED, that the man holding a gun and standing over his dead son's severed head actually shot her. Director Kak tells her that he'll stop shooting her if she tells him who else saw his son's horns. She says that there was someone else there, but she was in shock and can't even remember his face. He lets AN fall to the floor saying, "That's too bad." Laying in her own blood, NA ads that the person who was there was looking for a girl the professor took in. This piques Kak's interest. NA gasps and gives off a good death-stare. But, it's just another bad fake-out, as the director orders a medical team to his office. NA looks up, hopeful and perky, "Does this mean... you're going to save me?" He is. However, only so she can take his son's place. He turns his son's head around to face NA and the audience.

The head of a statue slides to the ground, in an actual attempt at juxtaposition between scenes. Nana, I'm sure at the last second, decided to mutilate the statue instead of Mayu. It finally clicks for Mayu that what Nana and Bando have been saying are true; it wasn't just a coincidence that these two people had the same exact story about Nyuu/Lucy. After bearing her soul, Nana freaks out a little, remembering that Papa told her to keep that all a secret. Mayu interrupts Nana to say that there's nothing bad about Nyuu. In fact, she's stupid innocent. Nana reluctantly agrees that 'Nyuu' isn't the violently cool person she knows, but that she's clearly Lucy. She's horribly confused.

At Hotel Runaway, Kouta and Yuka have put Nyuu to bed and are watching over her. Nyuu's suddenly come down with a fever for reasons that aren't all that apparent. As they talk about what to do, Lucy wakes up. For the moment, she looks at Kouta and fights back the tears.

Back at Elsewhere, Nana feels that something bad has just happened. "She woke up..."

Diclonius HQ. The director and Papa recap the audience about stuff we don't care about for a few seconds. Then, the director drops a few bombshells: First, he was using his son's research to get a hand on the virus that causes Diclonius-ism, and not the cure. Second, he knows Papa let Nana escape. Third, the director is, "God's proxy!" God could always more proxies. So, to get Lucy back and terminate 'Number 7,' the director authorizes use of Number 35. No doubt another Diclonius. Fun stuff.

At the hotel, Lucy stands up and stumbles out of the room, against Kouta's sort of protest. Lucy mumbles to herself that she 'blacked out' again, which I take to mean she doesn't remember what happens when she's Nyuu. Out in the hallway, Lucy says, "I'm going to kill that stupid girl," and promptly falls over. Kouta runs to her rescue saying, "You're the stupid one here." Completely ignoring her murderous intent. Lucy looks at Kouta with her blushing face.

The cousins have put Lucy back in bed and Yuka goes off to her place for some medicine. Kouta watches over Lucy, neither all too sure what to say. As Lucy starts to pass out again, she dreams/hallucinates of her backstory.

Wavy lines, wavy lines...

Li'l Lucy is in a bunk bed with a woman standing over her. The woman walks out of the room and off-screen to tell whoever's out there that, "That kid has a fever again. I wish she'd stop doing that. I had a date tonight..." Total love. As Mother of the Year bad-mouths 'that kid' some more, Li'l Lucy decides to go for a walk. Out on a forest path, she falls face-down in the dirt, where a puppy comes to help. She tells the puppy that she's okay, really. She's not lonely or nothin'! Then she cries.

At school, Li'l Lucy is called out by three boys. They've poured milk all over her bag, and when she doesn't respond with violence, they push her over. I guess this is the Future Violent Criminals Club. As she's on the floor, they taunt her more and start dancing like special ed students just before the pizza party. A random girl comes to help Li'l Lucy, but Lucy isn't really looking for help. "All the children here are miserable," Li'l Lucy says. "Because, when you're miserable... You need something that's even more miserable than yourself." I like Li'l Lucy. If she had a newsletter I'd sign up in a second. Random Girl helps Li'l Lucy clean off her bag and extends a hand of friendship. Being that this is a flashback and there are only a few minutes left in the episode, Random Girl is probably a bitch.

That night, Li'l Lucy sneaks out again, this time to feed Puppy a loaf of bread. As Puppy of Imminent Doom eats, she tells him that if he weren't around, she wouldn't be able to take it. After dinner, she tells the puppy to never go towards the school, because people suck. But does the puppy listen? No, he's a dog.

We cut to a dream Li'l Lucy is having. She's alone in darkness cursing humanity - not unlike most of my dreams - and starts to reach her arms out towards a bright light. As she does, vectors shoot up from the ground. She wakes up in fear or pain and looks around to see handprints covering the walls of her room.

Then, feeling like maybe Random Girl could be a friend, Li'l Lucy tells her about Puppy, and even brings her out to the path to feed him. Random Girl promises to never tell anyone about the puppy. So, of course, the very next scene has the bullies showing up in class, just the four kids in the room for some reason, with Puppy in tow. For the first time, Li'l Lucy is visibly pissed. The first thing that ever showed her any compassion is in danger. The bullies get excited that she's finally fighting back and demand she cry. Lucy kicks a bully, who turns to another and tells him to beat up the dog. Without missing a beat, the other kid kicks the puppy into a wall. It's pretty horrific. I mean, yeah, Lucy exploded a few hearts out of guys, but this was a puppy! The lead bully pontificates that it's much more effective to indirectly attack Li'l Lucy. Oh, the things you learn in school. He then picks up a vase and beats the dog to death with it. ... yeah. Li'l Lucy looks on in horror as Random Girl runs in to say the bullies are going too far. In an instant, Li'l Lucy lost both of her friends. The bully starts to get up, noting that the puppy sure seemed to die quickly. Li'l Lucy voice-overs her previous thoughts: "Because, when you're miserable... You need something that's even more miserable than yourself." Then the bully holding her back explodes, painting the room a nice shade of red. This is quickly followed by the exploding of the other kids, including Random Girl.

Li'l Lucy buries Puppy out by the path and cries. She grabs her horns as if she's trying to pry them off, just as she hears someone behind her drop a music box. She looks back to see Li'l Kouta standing behind her...

So, the moral of the story is that it's better to live alone and afraid, because if you try to make friends, someone will kill your puppy.

Elfen Lied: Episode 7

Bando and Nana stand-off at the beach. Bando demands to know what's up with Nana's horns. Nana shrugs that off and says, "Even if you had a hundred people, you couldn't beat me," adding, "You're lucky, Papa told me to be a good girl, so you don't have to die." Bando, forgetting that the last be-horned chick he ran into tore off his arm with an invisible hand, laughs. Nana starts walking away, but Bando fires off a .50 caliber tungsten bullet, knocking Nana to the sand. He's certain that it's too heavy a round for Nana to deflect, and that at a close enough range it will kill her. Nana gasps so hard we cut to the next scene.

Kouta comes out of the Inn to feed Wanta to find Nyuu coming back from taking said dog for a walk. Mayu and Yuka are busy preparing dinner, and as Yuka hears Nyuu and Kouta laughing, she starts to shake with rage. She stops when she notices Mayu blankly staring at the wall. She offers to take over for Mayu and let her relax, but Mayu wants to be helpful to her new family... of runaways, kidnappers, and killers. After a few seconds of silence, Yuka decides it's enough off-screen fun for Nyuu and Kouta, and demand they at least come in and set the table. As she's off doing that, Mayu flashbacks to Bando and wonders if she should tell everyone else about almost being murdered.

Back to real-time Bando, as he demands to where Lucy is. While Nana doesn't know and can't feel Lucy's presence, Bando doesn't believe her. He shoots Nana in the arm, which is plastic or something so doesn't really hurt, but knocks Nana down nonetheless. Nana starts to cry and mentions that she was really going to be good like Papa Glasses wanted. Really she was! Bando closes in to kick Nana, then quickly jumps back two meters. He berates her a little saying the only reason she's still alive is that she was a test subject, which Nana refuses to believe until she remembers Papa saying he was ordered to kill her. She decides that if people like her aren't meant to exist in this world, it'd be better for her to 'erase' it.

Back at Runaway Inn, the family sits down to dinner. Mayu watches Nyuu attempt to navigate her chopsticks in awe. Have to break up your action sometimes, I guess. Even if you do that by inserting scenes that have nothing to do with anything.

At the beach, suddenly at night, Nana walks slowly towards Bando as he fires shots into her plastic limbs. He notices that even though he's hitting, there's no blood, and runs back. He lures Nana into a spot of beach with nothing around for Nana to pick up and throw through his person. He threatens her, saying that at five meters he can hit her heart, but being the slow bad guy he is, lets Nana to take a few more steps before attempting to fire off the killing blow. Nana raises her right arm, and fires it off like a missile. Bando is knocked back a few feet, dropping his gun. Nana is now on top of him, like Lucy was in episode two. This time, however, Bando has a second gun prepared. He fires off a single shot, grazing Nana's head, and destroying his new robo-arm. Piece of crap arm. Nana freaks out a little at the sight of blood and cries for Papa some more. Bando lies back, apparently enjoying the moment. Nana asks why his arm is all Terminatory, and Bando says how Nana's 'companion' tore it off. Nana goes 'nuh-uh' and tells Bando how her body was 'cut up' by Lucy, too. The two bond over their missing limbs, and Nana insists that it'd be easier to kill Lucy if they team up, but Bando is a lone wolf. With a busted robot arm, a lot of guns, and sunglasses. Bando does offer Nana the note with his phone number he got back from Mayu, though. Saying if she sees Lucy, she should call him. However, Nana's new to the outside world, and doesn't know what a cell phone is. So, instead Nana picks up her arm and clicks it back in place. She offers to help Bando up, but pulls the old 'fake limb' trick, and lets it slip off just as he's getting up. Oh, hilarity. For whatever reason, Bando doesn't pick up a gun and shoot the crap out of her.

Back in Kak's office. Diclonius bad. "Remember what happened last episode? That was great." Pointless scene? Nope, just had one.

Nana sits by the street in town, and wonders aloud what she's supposed to do. She's holding a bag full of money. A lot of money. But, again, Nana doesn't know what anything is, so she just stares at the paper. She gets up and walks past a little pastry shop. She asks the man working the shop for some cake, and he tells her it'll be 500 yen. She gets flustered and rifles through her pockets looking for 500 of these Earth moneys. As she's doing so, two girls come up and get some cake, paying for it in yen coins, just to make Nana feel more confused and hurt and lonely... poor Nana. All she wants to do is kill somebody. Nana walks away, noting that without 500 yen, she can't eat, ever.

Mayu is out walking Wanta as an excuse to call someone for help on Lucy maybe being crazy, when she sees light coming from the cemetery Lucy and Nana previously fought. She finds Nana huddled next to a small fire contained in a tin of some sort. Mayu starts to freak out, but notices Nana has all her legs and calms down, just as one of Nana's legs falls right off. Mayu passes right out. Comedy is all about timing. I'm not sure what that was. Let's just call it an act break and get on to the rest of the show.

Nyuu is playing with a clock, which she sometimes does, when Kouta walks in. He mentions that since the clock was already broken, it doesn't really matter that she's playing with it. Well, okay then. He tries to ask her how she escaped from Dr. Kak, as if she'd answer, but has another 'Nam flashback and kind of forgets what he was talking about. Pointless scenes are like water at a restaurant; you say you don't need more, but they just keep refilling the glass.

Back at the cemetery, Mayu is waking up. Nana and Wanta stayed over her to make sure she was okay. Mayu asks about Nana's leg, and she says that if she loses concentration for a second, they fall off. Not to scare off her could-be killer, Mayu changes the subject to Nana's horns. She thinks they're cute. Nana is so flattered, she starts to do a little dance as Mayu tries to mention that she knows another girl with horns. But, Nana interrupts her, asking if they could be friends. She says that she used to be in a 'temple sort of place' and doesn't really know the outside world, which is find and dandy, but being alone sucks. Mayu, feeling a sort of shared connection with Nana perhaps, quickly agrees. At the fire, Mayu sees that Nana is keeping the fire going with the money from her bag. She stops her, then there's another 'comedic' moment I won't bore anyone with. While collecting the money, which is strewn all over the cemetery for no real reason, Mayu blurts out that someone's after her buddy Nyuu, too. I guess during an edit, they two talked about how Bando tried to kill Nana. That or I blacked out in some comedy induced coma, but that seems unlikely.

At Runaway Inn, Kouta is about to go out and look for Mayu, since she's been gone for some time. As he starts out the door, Nyuu grabs Yuka's breasts with great glee. Again, I don't really know why. "Anime: They just do." Right outside is Mayu and Nana. Nana came to see if Lucy was really there, but doesn't sense her and starts to walk off. Kouta stops her and starts asking lots of questions in that freaked out way he does. Mayu stops her, and suggests that they take Nana in for a meal, at least. Kouta agrees, as he's always happy to oblige young girls... would be creepy if he weren't almost asexual. For some reason, Kouta struggles with the door, just long enough for Nyuu to get on the other side. When he finally gets it open, he falls back so Nana has a clear line of sight to Nyuu, who she thinks must still be Lucy. Glass breaks, doors go down, everything's a slow pull out from a still frame. End episode nana.

Elfen Lied: Episode 6

Bando opens his new eyes, to a yellow hue on everything. He twitches the fingers on his new robotic hand, and hasn't attempted to murder anyone yet. A personal best. A doctor hands him some pain pills in a blister pack, explaining, "After this, you'll be undergoing the sterilization procedure." So, they went with my microwave idea. Bando asks the doctor how much his new hand can withstand, learning it can hold about 110 lbs. and is otherwise pretty sturdy, too. So, of course, Bando knocks the living fuck out of him. Not that I've dealt with many murdering psychopaths before, but I'd have stuck him the microwave first. Bando then jumps out a window to make his escape. Stairs may have taken longer, but would've been way less conspicuous. Guys jumping from windows a few stories up are never up to any good.

Kouta heads out, looking to find Nyuu at the school. He's worried. I think. We can't see his face for some reason. Yuka calls him an idiot after the door closes.

At school, Lab Assistant walks in looking for Kak. She mentions she hasn't bathed in a while to no one. I don't know why. Kouta opens the door, scaring poor character-whose-name-I-don't-bother-to-find-out. She recovers quickly when she learns that Kouta is looking for Kak, and leads him to lab 103b. On the stairs, Kouta tells assistant about Nyuu, only to learn that Kak has no niece or even a brother to have sprungforth such a niece.

Under Transition Underpass, some girl walks out complaining that her job blows. Her boss is always staring at her ass. She gets embarrassed when she notices Lucy walking towards her. After they pass each other, and then walk off screen, Lucy's vectors fly back towards the girl, as if to say, "Oh, yeah! I forget to tell you something." That's probably not what they're really saying, though.

Assistant exposits that Kak is working on a vaccine to help fight the disease that causes horns to grow, and that normally, people with hornitis are quarantined immediately... "and after that..." assistant stops talking.

Lucy pulls a vector out of the girl's head, leaving her with that gradient, anime stare that characters get when they're brain dead. Lucy simply says, "Still not good..." What's no good? I'unno. But I'll believe anything Lucy wants as long as I survive.

Assistant and Kouta find that 103b is a bloody mess. Nyuu is, of course, no where to be seen, but Kak's head is laying a few feet from his body. They freak out a little, and assistant says that that 'this style' of killing is just like "..." and that people with horns who aren't quarantined right away, end up like Kak. Upon hearing some of this, Kouta has a little 'Nam flashback of a girl standing in blood, then spaces out completely. When assistant tells him to leave and not tell anyone, he agrees and stumbles away without complaint.

Back home, Yuka has been waiting for Kouta to come back. Aw. At the dinner table, Kouta has another flashback when he tries to tell Yuka that Kak is dead. He forgets what he was about to say, then zombie-walks to bed.

At Diclonius Central, Kak Senior berates Glasses a little, what with his prey having killed his son and all. Nana's name comes up, and I think I should've felt something, but I didn't. It was a lot like every other scene that's taken place in Daddy Kak's big room.

Outside the big room, Glasses admits to his assistant that he killed his own baby with his bare hands, and when his wife saw, she killed herself. He asks if she has any questions, but she's too shaken to make a 'this is your brain on Diclonius' joke.

As Mayu walks to school, she sees Bando standing on the beach, and recognizes him as that mostly-armless guy she tried to save a few episodes back. She goes down to talk, and Bando gets offended that someone so small saved him. Still, he gives her his cell number in case she's ever in trouble, and he'll come running in like a knight who beats up women and children. He asks about a woman with horns, and when Mayu asks if he means Nyuu, he jump cut to a new scene.

In the rain, Yuka and Kouta take cover in a shrine. Yuka is shivering from the cold, so Kouta sits her on his lap. I'll take a moment here to remind everyone that they're cousins. They hold each other tight and blush and Yuka's nether-region gets a tingle. She asks Kouta if she likes him, and Kouta talks about how he doesn't remember much of his childhood with her. As he rambles on, Yuka pulls him in for a passionate kiss.

Beach: Bando lifts Mayu up by her school uniform and demands answers about Nyuu. She refuses, and even offers up a lie about a brother saying he saw a girl with horns at school. Not wasting any time on paying off a plot device, Mayu immediately pulls out the piece of paper Bando used to write his number on. "Right now, I'm in big trouble..." Reluctantly, he lets her go, saying that he doesn't want to ever see her face again. He's a bad guy, you know?

At the shrine, the kiss finally breaks. Yuka tells Kouta that she doesn't care how he treats her, as long as he never leaves her. She'd make a good enabling wife. This time, it's Kouta who leans in for the kiss. The rain stops, and the two continue their half-assed search. Half-way down a flight of steps, Kouta turns around to see Lucy, who he calls, 'Nyuu.' Lucy pushes Kouta away, prompting Yuka to come up and try to pull Kouta back, as she senses danger. Instead, Lucy pushes Yuka down a few steps. Lucy starts to walk away, but Kouta stops her. When she says she's going to her own place, Kouta calls the bluff, knowing that she has no where to go. She starts to go off about how she'll find a place, any place, and make it home. Kouta spins her around and tells her that the Maple Inn is her home. Lucy's eyes fill with anime-tears, and she shouts that she doesn't deserve to live with Kouta, because eight years ago... 'Nam flash backs happen to the both of them. After the flashbacks subside, Nyuu pops up and asks Kouta for a hug with the tears still flowing. Only, Nyuu seems to have a bit of the flashback this time. Begging the question; is Lucy pretending to be Nyuu, does Nyuu remember what Lucy does, or am I just reading too much into things? I decide to not care.

Back on the beach, a giant capsule spits out white smoke, revealing Nana, limbs and all, inside. After she sits up, a message from Glasses starts. It tells her that she should be able to move her new limbs. That he left her a bag of cash. And that she should be happy. She falls down pretty hard, not really knowing how to use her new limbs just yet as the recording said. She gets down the shoreline a bit before Bando pulls a gun on her...

Continued on side 2.

Elfen Lied: Episode 5

Mr. Glasses is found ruminating on the roof of Diclonius Central. Assistant comes up to inform him that she's reported to the superiors about "Number 7's" repairs. Now, that could mean to Nana or the room where they held her. She asks, "Do you have any regrets?" Without missing a beat, Glasses-san goes, "Regrets and so forth... are for those who look back and judge right or wrong which is unforgivable." Nge. That's the sound my brain makes when it hits itself on the skull.

Back at Runaway House, Mayu has left a letter saying how she's not good enough to stay there and eat and stuff. So, she re-ran away. Kouta, Yuka, and Nyuu go off into town to find the little gal.

The shopkeeper from earlier episodes mention that she hasn't been in today, but she has a gift for her. The group takes the box, but before the scene can progress, the next scene backs into this one. Now, if the whole 'Nana getting dismembered then later being put down' stuff was too much for you, take the Prozac now. We're about to find why a 13 year old girl is wondering Japan pantless and sad. I almost preemptively committed suicide out of sheer grief for this poor kid.

See, 'some time ago,' Mayu's mother brought home Mayu's "new Papa."

Nge. The very next scene, is Mayu in her pajamas, and new Papa sitting on a bed. Her hair is down over her eyes to show her embarrassment and shame. He tells her to 'do it like always...' and I vomit a little. The studio audience isn't quite sure what to do; most avert their eyes. She turns around, then gets on all fours. Later, Li'l Mayu tells her mom about what new Papa does, and Bad Motha' slaps Mayu down. "The one we don't need here is you! As long as you're here... as long as you're here, that person..." Mommy's jealous of the attention her daughter is getting from her new husband. And that's reason enough not to call the cops on the abuse, apparently. They should call Dr. Phil.

Next time, Mayu's skirt comes down, but when bad Daddy wants more, she screams, "NO!" and starts running. Hence, her pantlessness up until now in the series. She runs until she falls down, and cries. Excuse me, I'm gonna go kill myself for a while.

I'm back. Mayu keeps walking and walking, until eventually she reaches the ocean. With a smile, she takes off her shoes, and walks in. Where's she going? Down. Before she gets too far, a puppy barks. She goes back to investigate, and finds Wanta the dog. They're both alone, but more importantly, abandoned. Nobody wants either of them, except each other. And JUST as Mayu is coming out of her flashback, standing at the beach during a setting sun, you hear someone off screen call for, "James." It's the supposed real owner of Mayu's dog. She bitchily walks away with her dog, and when Mayu asks if she could maybe see him again, Bitch insists that a girl with clothes that dirty could never come to her house and see her puppy. Aw. I'm gonna kill myself again.

In her shanty town box, Mayu is crying and being a little crazy. As she shakes from the cold, two officers find her and ask her to get out. When she runs, the cops chase after her, 'cause Mayu really don't want to go back to Bad Dad and Bitch Mom. Luckily, Kouta and friends are waiting up the hill. Kouta identifies Mayu as a member of the family, and it's actually kinda touching.

Inside Runaway, the gift the shopkeeper had given Yuka and Kouta turns out to be a stale birthday cake. *sniff* Nyuu comes in with a big-ass bowl of rice, since Mayu was so happy with the food earlier, I guess. Mayu's happy and crying and confused and... WANTA's outside! Oh, all is well in the world again. And it will be forever! Right? ... please?

Some time later... Mayu leaves Runaway HQ in a school uniform, apparently off to school. Or a photo shoot. I'm not sure how much time has past. Yuka and Kouta have a little conversation about how odd it is that they're suddenly Mayu's adopted parents. Which it is, only because they asked. The mom doesn't want any of that backstory truth to get out. Plus, she's probably on the crack, now. Dr. Phil could've saved her so good.

Kouta and Yuka are starting school today, and have to bring Nyuu along. Her new, and only word she's learned is, "Yes!" There's some talk about how 'this teacher' is a little weird, and they comic-relief each other to pass the time. The teacher comes in, and incidentally, he is none other than Doctor Kakuzawa, the Chief's son! It's like that one plot and this one have somehow joined together! I hear blood makes a great solvent. He of course notices Lucy, and asks that she and the other two join him later.

We go downstairs to Doctor Kakuzawa's... room? Lab? Area of Plot Advanceman (APA). He informs Yuka and Kouta that 'this young woman' is his brother's daughter, and they've been all so worried about poor wittle Lucy. When Kouta starts to ask questions, Doc Kak implies that our two young heroes could be arrested for kidnapping and such. Kouta hangs his head, and tells Yuka that they should go. Without a word, Kouta starts to leave. Kak holds Nyuu by the shoulders, and she reaches out for him, and even manages to say his name. *sniff* As she screams for him to be with her, he walks away. He doesn't look back, but has on a Batman shirt. I felt it needed said.

Back on the stairway in town, Kouta and Yuka try to happily defend what they've done, but instead, burst into tears.

In a lower lab of the school, Lab 103b Exposition and Foreshadowing, Doc Kak has Nyuu naked and tied up. Kak talks about a gland in the brain that allows Diclonius to use their vectors, and I think he sort of implies that there's a way to fix her broken vectors. But none of that seems to be of any importance. Really, he wants to bone Lucy so she can carry their Lurv Child of the Apocalypse, and take out the rest of us lowly humans. He gives her a shot to put her to sleep.

At dinner, Mayu is the one who goes, "Hey... that was kinda a big coincidence. Bah, I'm sure it's fine. Mm... tea. *slurp*" The other two pick their noses and watch King of the Hill, throwing beer cans at Mayu. No, not really. But they might as well. They're very slow.

Back in the creepy dungeon of X-Rays, Doc Kak is talking off his tie, and Lucy/Nyuu is on the floor, unconscious.

Mayu goes to bed, and Kouta and Yuka have another weird "Well, 'love' can mean many different things," conversations. Yuka wants to know whether or not Kouta would cry like he did for Nyuu a few scenes ago, if Yuka had gone missing. Kouta says, "It's not like I'd want to or not want to cry." He doesn't go out much. They both shrug off the conversation, leave, then start crying for being self-absorbed and stupid.

Dungeon. Kak talks to himself, then turns around to notice Nyuu/Lucy is gone. And on the other side of the room... Lucy wakes up. Sort of. "I am asleep... my other self that is." Kak tells us that he's the one who opened the doors that allowed Lucy to escape in episode one, and that Lucy needs to 'be faithful to [her] DNA's orders,' by killing everyone and having lots o' babies. She breaks some glass to be scary and show her vectors are working. Then, Kak pulls off a wig to show that he, too, has horns on his head. Why not? He says all he has is the horns, meaning he doesn't have the cool killing arms. Then he goes on, again, to say, "You're wrong... the long anticipated..." then his neck blows up.

But Lucy don't need no half-breed, prick like Kak. That's not how Lucy rolls.

Elfen Lied: Episode 4

Someone with ADD edited the first half of this episode.

Nana informs Lucy that she's already radioed to Diclonius Central Lucy's whereabouts, and asks if Lucy is going to kill her, too. Lucy responds that, 'up to now, I have yet to kill a human.' Lucy hasn't seen episode one, apparently. Lucy starts to walk away, but Nana insists that she has to take her back. Lucy's four vectors shoot out into Nana, but don't do any damage. She warns Nana that if she were to move a vein in her brain 'one millimeter,' it'll kill Nana. So, Nana doesn't move, and Lucy pulls her vectors back. Nana protests some more, so Lucy tosses her against a wall. Fight's on. Lucy jumps back, but not far enough away. Nana throws Lucy into a cemetery, against a gravestone, and in a puff of smoke, reveals today's title:

Lucy's pissed. She hates plays. Nana chokes Lucy with a vector and pins her against another grave. When Lucy tries to fight back, she learns that her vectors aren't as long as Nana's. Oops.

Back home, Kouta is still pretty confused. Yuka is all jealous of Nyuu. She's waited for years to see Kouta again and give him little cutouts of birds, but all he does is worry about Nyuu and take her clothes off. Yuka slugs Kouta in the face and runs off crying.

In a tunnel somewhere, Yuka either has a flashback or is remembering a dream of the funeral for Kouta's father and sister. Li'l Yuka and a vision of li'l Kouta are the only two drawn as actual people. Everyone else is a stationary mannequin. It's either a dream about how she doesn't really care about any of the other people, or a metaphor about how she doesn't remember the funeral all that well. All I know, is that it's creepy and I want it to go away. We learn in the fuzzy scene that Kouta was in a hospital for some reason during the funeral, and Yuka cried.

Kouta sits in the dining room nursing his face. He's completely oblivious to everything that's happened so far in this show. It's like he doesn't even know he's in an anime.

Back at the fight, Nana smack talks Lucy, and Lucy throws graves.

At a marketplace, Mayu is getting a bag of bread crusts from a shop keeper. The shop keeper mentions that her dog must really be a glutton to eat that much everyday. The still dirty and pantless Mayu stutters a little. When the shopkeeper asks how old Mayu is, we learn that she'll be fourteen tomorrow. Outside, Mayu runs into Yuka, who sees the bag. And, like everyone in the show, Yuka promptly up and leaves.

Lucy throws some more shit at Nana.

Mayu eats some crust.

An editor takes his Ritalin.

Nana mocks Lucy for using her only trick, Throwin' Stuff, and throws herself into the air. Lucy is able to knock her back down, though. Nana gets a vector-hold on Lucy's right leg, and says she's going to make it so she can't walk. But before she can, Mayu runs in from behind Lucy and Nana pulls back. Bad move on her part. Lucy takes the opportunity to cut off Nana's left leg above the knee, then slices off all the fingers on Nana's right hand. When Mayu screams, Lucy just tosses her into a tree. Nana cries and asks for Papa, but Lucy don't care. Nan's right arm is ripped off - not cut off, not blown off, but ripped off - and Nana tries to crawl away the best she can with two limbs. Just like that, her remaining arm and leg get ripped off in a second.

A bullet whizzes by Lucy, as another sniper misses. The entire entertainment industry needs to take a few months off and go to a gun range. Mr. Glasses moves in and as soon as Nana sees, she launches a vector into Lucy's head. She doesn't kill her, but makes it so Lucy's vectors won't come out. A lab guy asks if Nana is finished, and Mr. Glasses walks calmly past Lucy, and leans down to hold Nana. He asks why she didn't wait for them to get Lucy, and she admits that she thought if she could get Lucy by herself, Papa would be proud. A member of the studio audience, overcome with grief and with a possible drinking problem, runs out of the studio crying. Lucy hears Nana call Mr. Glasses 'Papa,' and asks, "Isn't your daughter dead?" The reply, "Yes... I killed her!" Followed by a stern backhand that sends Lucy to the ground. Lucy jumps away with ninja-like agility, and a handful of guards give chase. Mr. Glasses leans back down to hold Nana, and Nana sort of rambles on for a while, asking if she's useless, and Mr. Glasses... just holds her.

Yuka flashes back to a quick scene that must have happened during the fight. She asks the same shopkeeper from earlier about Mayu. She tells Yuka about the crust bags and mentions that the other shopkeepers all think she's homeless. The other shopkeepers? All smarter than everyone else in this show. In the present, Yuka says to no one that Kouta should probably know that Mayu is homeless. Why? Um... I guess Kouta likes sad stories.

Above, Mr. Glasses sits over a completely bandaged Nana. He gets a call from his assistant that Chief Kakuzawa wants to see him as soon as he lands. Mr. Glasses isn't happy to hear that. His eye does that shaky thing that anime characters' eyes do when they're really sad or angry.

Yuka... somewhere, runs into Nyuu, all stupid and cute again, who's really confused and sad. Yuka looks at the little sometimes-murderess, who is currently as innocent as anything ever was, and says that there must be something wrong with her to be jealous of Nyuu. Nyuu is still kinda stupid though, so she doesn't understand.

Kouta gets a call to come to the hospital, and finds Mayu sitting on a bench with a bandage around her head. He decides to help her out and pay for the bill, which Mayu says she'll "definitely" pay back. Kouta asks why Mayu had them call his place, because the hotdog vendor at market square is smarter than he is, and Mayu stutters until her stomach growls. He invites her home for dinner.

Back home, Yuka's bi-polarness has swung back around to happy. Nyuu runs out to hug Kouta, and Mayu remembers the fight scene, and Nana's leg flying off. But one look at Nyuu's big, innocent, anime eyes calms her back down. She blurts out, "That's right... legs don't just fly off on their own..." and no one finds that odd, at all.

After dinner, Yuka suggests that Mayu take a bath, then puts Nyuu in the bath with her. Alone, Yuka and Kouta talk about homeless girls and soldiers hitting Kouta. I'd care, but I already know all this. It's decided that they can't go to the police about Mayu because they can't trust the police. Yuka invites Mayu to stay the night, and even though she says she shouldn't impose, she agrees. The house is now some kind of shelter for abused girls, being run by two college freshmen. FOX should be around to pick up the sitcom rights any minute.

Mr. Glasses meets with the Chief, who wants Nana to be put down. "A useless Diclonius is just another threat... After killing so many carriers, I won't let you say no." Mr. Glasses bows and walks away. As he does, the Chief gets a call from his son, Doctor Kakuzawa. The son is doing research into a vaccine that should repress vectors. He's calling for more money, which his dad isn't happy about. His son is working with another doctor, a woman who's looking at a computer screen with various double helixes, as if that's something a doctor or scientist would watch on an endless loop. It's the medical equivalent to that Matrixy random, green letters being pissed down a screen. Just there to look like anything. The son cuts a picture of Lucy in half and foreshadows, "You are mine."

A syringe is filled. Mr. Glasses and assistant are in a surgical room. Assistant says that the syringe will put her to sleep, then they'll dispose of her. Mr. Glasses says that he wants to do it, and the assistant leaves. Mr. Glasses walks closer to Nana, who looks so very, very small. He places a hand on her cheek, and she wakes up and pushes her face into it. Syringe in hand, he tells her that 'this is a test,' and she goes with it. She says that she's feeling sleepy, and then, just before her eyes close and her head falls to the pillow, she says, "Goodbye."

Elfen Lied: Episode 3

We start off with Kouta pulling off Nyuu's shorts and Yuka staring on. Yuka puts the key on a table and tries to walk away, clearly misunderstanding the situation, and not being happy about it one damned bit. When Kouta tries to stop her from leaving, Yuka asks if he remembers going to a festival when they were little. He tells her that it doesn't really matter, and she slaps him. They say each others name a few times too many times (TETSUO!! KANEDA!!), then she storms out. As soon as she slams the door, Kouta shivers.

Mr. Glasses stands over Nana, still chained and bloody, as she tries to reach out for a hug. He unchains her then asks for a favor. Title card:

At her own home, Yuka opens a box of little cut-outs of animals and things. She flashbacks to the festival mentioned earlier, as a li'l Yuka attempts to cut a little chick out of a sheet of foam or construction paper. Li'l Kouta makes fun of her, then shows her up by cutting a perfect cat out of another sheet. They make a promise that the next time they meet, she'll have mastered cutting shit out of other shit, and when she does, Kouta will do what ever she says. Back in present time, Yuka scoops up a bunch of cut-outs, then starts to cry, scrunching them up. Aw... Or, oh, she's insane.

Nana says she'll do anything Mr. Glasses says, without even asking if he can cut animals out of paper. Incidentally, Mr. Glasses real name is, Director Kurama. But that's not important. His assistant, back in a lab setting and behind glass, shares a moment with unnamed lab guy about how Nana has basically been tortured in the name of science and stuff, and to keep sane she's used Mr. Glasses as a support structure. He's her daddy-figure. We also learn that the inviso-hands Lucy and Nana use are called, "Vectors." AND that the be-horned ones are called, "Diclonius." It's Exposition City. Mr. Glasses asks Nana to kill for him, to which Nana replies, "Nana... can't kill a human." But that's just fine and dandy, because Papa wants you to kill another Diclonius. Since Diclonius can sense each other, only Nana can stop her. Nana wants to do right by Mr. Glasses so much, it kind of hurts to watch. All the blood doesn't help.

Meanwhile, Kouta has a cold from running around in the rain and getting the shit kicked out of him and all. Nyuu watches on in horror. When Kouta asks for water, she brings him slippers. Then a bunch of other assorted crap. The studio audience moans a somber 'awwww...' Outside, Yuka drops off a bag of her clothes for Nyuu to wear, but walks away without knocking. Divining her presence somehow, Nyuu runs out to stop her and drags her inside to the ailing Kouta. Kouta brings up the festival and mentions that his father and sister both died shortly after and doesn't really remember the events leading up to it. He also blurts out something about his father dying in a car accident, which Yuka again questions, but not loud enough for anyone to hear. Yuka sort of feels better now, knowing that Kouta's trauma led to his not remembering the great festival where they cut up paper.

Back at Diclonius Central, a bandaged Bando yells at Mr. Glasses. Apparently, Bando has been offered a surgery to replace his missing arm and eyes, at the expense of his testicles, without any explanation. I probably wouldn't take that well, either. Mr. Glasses retorts that if Bando doesn't have his balls removed, humanity is doomed. I tend to agree, plot aside. Bando, understandably, has questions. Mr. Glasses starts to talk up, and again, we're transported to Exposition City. As he starts to inform Bando, someone turns on a light switch, illuminating several X-rays of a Diclonius... for the man with no eyes. I'd say they were for the audience's benefit, but all they show is that there are horns on the top of its head, and we knew that already. So... what the fuck? We learn that these vectors are controlled by thought and can be used for just about anything the situation requires. More importantly, we learn that they weren't initially weapons, but a way for Diclonius to spread their genes for reproduction. And Lucy is especially dangerous, because while most Diclonius will die shortly after birth, Lucy has the 'ability to reproduce without any problems ... and the possibility exists that she can breed with a normal human.' So, they have to take his balls. It's still a little unclear why exactly. If they steal genes and impregnate themselves, Bando and his whole team should've had their balls removed before their last mission. So, is there a threat that Lucy impregnated Bando? That seems unlikely. And why can't they make him sterile? Make him stand in front of a microwave for a few hours. No surgery required.

Yuka says it'd look odd for Nyuu and Kouta, a young man and woman, to live together and not be married. The neighbors would go ape-shit. So, Yuka is going to move in, thus fixing the problem somehow. Kouta goes, "Whaaaa?!" and again, the studio audience goes crazy.

At Diclonius Central, Nana gets ready to take her helicopter ride to go find Lucy. She's pretty happy about it. She repeats how much she wants to make Mr. Glasses proud, then asks for a favor. Quick cut to the helicopter taking off. Mr. Glasses and assistant talk about how it's all well and good that Nana is out looking for Lucy, but if she tries to take her down herself, Nana will probably get herself killed. Mr. Glasses doesn't seem all that concerned. It kind of looks like he's thinking about what to have for lunch.

Back home, Nyuu motions to Yuka that she'd like to help Kouta wash the floors. As Yuka goes off to get another cloth, Nyuu tries to take advantage of Kouta. She places his hand on her breast and gets him to squeeze it a bit. Yuka enters, slaps Kouta, then goes to the store. I assume the whole scene had something to do with Diclonius wanting to breed and stuff, but who knows. As Yuka walks away from the house, homeless girl and her puppy walk towards it, holding the umbrella she found in the last episode. She explains to Kouta that she's returning it after finding it on the beach. This causes Kouta to go a little crazy again, asking her if she saw any of that crazy shit that happened. So, he invites her in.

As Kouta confirms that there was indeed a soldier hitting him over the head last night, Nyuu finds a music box that Yuka left out, and promptly slips on the floor, hitting her head. The music box plays the show's theme song, as Lucy stands up and almost kills Kouta with her vectors. She's stopped by a vision of li'l Kouta screaming for her to stop. She pulls her vectors away, then wanders off. People just up and leave scenes a lot in this show. "It was fun almost killing you-BYE!" Yuka asks Kouta if he remembers the music box, and he sort of does, but not really. Outside, Lucy almost kills the puppy, who's tied up to a drainage pipe. All she really does is break its leash. As homeless girl, Mayu, is leaving, Kouta asks if he could get her number incase he has more questions. He hasn't picked up that the girl, who must smell, isn't wearing pants, and I'm sure is fairly dirty, is homeless. She stutters a bit, then runs out to find her dog missing. It's a little sad for a second, but Wanta, the puppy, comes barking up the walkway almost right away. It's almost suspense. Prespense?

Kouta talks about how Nyuu is really late, as if they set a time to meet up after leaving for no reason. Yuka rambles on about how she has trouble finishing sentences. As Kouta gets up to leave, Yuka asks if Kouta wants to try touching her breasts. There are some weird, complicated feelings going on in this show. Kouta seems to agree. He just stands there until we cut to the next scene.

Semi-flashback to Nana standing outside the helicopter with Mr. Glasses. The favor she asked for was Mr. Glasses 'ribbon,' or 'tie' to the rest of us. In present time, she ties it around her head to cover her horns. The horns might have looked less weird. She walks down some steps to where Lucy is sitting, waiting. Nana stands just two steps away and announces that she's there, 'to take [Lucy] home.' Dun, dun dunnnn....

Elfen Lied: Episode 2

Near the beach, in a storage/shanty town, a homeless girl tells her puppy that she's hungry. Above, SAT team leader informs his troops that, "the target is assumed to have an unidentified weapon with a range covering a two-meter radius." Which we all know doesn't mean much. Team leader prattles on, but Bando is already bored. While still in flight, he opens the back door, and demands to be let off right away.

At the shore line, Nyuu digs and digs, looking for that shell. All she finds, though, is this episode's title card:

Back home, Kouta remembers what we learned last time, but he learned, maybe, five seconds ago; Nyuu is looking for another shell. Before he can run after Nyuu and/or his cousin, two police officers come to the door. They're looking for a 'missing girl' and are brandishing a photo of Lucy. Instead of turning her in, Kouta waits for the cops to leave, then heads out in the rain with a girly umbrella. I know she's cute, and he found her, which apparently makes her his, but when the cops come with a scary picture of your new girlfriend, you might want to ask a few questions. I suggest preparing a list in advance. I keep mine in my pocket at all times.

Bando and Satou, his teammate, patrol the beach in full riot gear. Satou talks a lot, which Bando doesn't like. So, he turns his gun on his little friend and threatens. 'Bad guy.' Before Bando can pull the trigger, Satou points out Lucy, who is still Nyuu, a little ways down the beach. Just before they can reach her, Nyuu finds something in the sand and holds it to her chest, very proud of herself. Aww. Luckily, Kouta gets to Nyuu first and tries to help her to her feet. 'Cause women in the rain have trouble with that, I guess. For his trouble, Kouta gets a rifle butt to the head, and falls over. Bando wants to shoot Kouta for being witness to all the fun ('bad guy'), but Satou stutters that they 'didn't get that order.' So, after an attempt to flee with Nyuu, it's another hit to the gut for Kouta. That's why, no matter how tempting, I never bring home random, naked women with horns, no memories, and a one word vocabulary. Always trouble.

Yuka arrives to the beach to find only Kouta, laying in the sand, barely conscious. He's taken away in an ambulance, and Nyuu is carried away by Bando. Satou wants to call headquarters and be all official, but Bando doesn't like that. So, when he tries his radio, Bando hits him in the head with his gun. Bad... meh, you get it. After smacking her to the ground and threatening her some more, Bando finally gives her a good hard smack, slamming her head into a wooden plank. And if the Flintstones have taught us anything, it's that if a hit to the head can cause brain-damage, it sure as hell can cure it. So, when Satou closes in to finish the job Bando is suddenly too bored to do, Lucy returns and puts a foot wide hole in his torso. Somewhere, a puppy whimpers.

Bando opens fire on Lucy, who deflects the bullets with her unseen force, which turns out to be four invisible hands. Ducking behind some barrels, Bando waits as Lucy tosses random debris at him. She quickly gets bored of that, and picks up a boat. Bitch is strong. Bando thinks he's figured out Lucy's throwing shit maneuver, and jumps up, gun poised. However, he forgets that she can also use regular weapons. When his eyes reach Lucy, she's holding Satou's rifle, and fires off a few rounds.

Lucy is suddenly standing over the injured Bando, taunting him in a calm, collected voice. She rips off one arm. She breaks another. Bando makes the all-too-common mistake of telling his evil enemy that he'll 'never forget that face.' Prompt one inviso-hand with two inviso-fingers in Bando's eyes. She goes in for the kill, deciding to strangle him instead of ripping him apart or putting holes in him. Before she can get the job done, she realizes she's holding something; the shell. Seeing it causes her to have a migraine, then revert to Nyuu, who freaks out and runs away.

Homeless girl comes across the umbrella Kouta was carrying, which leads her to the wounded Bando. She ties off his wounds, since all homeless nine-year-olds have taken first aid classes, and runs off to call for help, puppy in tow.

At the hospital, Kouta is recovering from the night's beating with Yuka at his side. The cops from earlier enter and ask her to leave so they can ask Kouta some questions. He tells them of a soldier with a machine gun, which they basically shrug off. He mentions Nyuu, and they suspect that she's the girl they're both looking for. Kouta, thinking fast... ish, tells them that Nyuu is a girl with short hair and a bit overweight. The cops promptly leave. Like, immediately. Good work, fella's.

When Kouta returns home, Nyuu is waiting for him. She presents him with the shell she found, looking just like the one she broke. All is well, again. I'd 'aww' again, but really I just want more naked-violence. In a taxi, Yuka flashbacks about the last time she saw Kouta before he arrived today. She snaps back to the present and then remembers she has a key to the house and has to go back. Inside the house, Kouta gives a quick speech about how he'll never give Nyuu to 'them,' meaning the police or the military. Then he gets her out of her clothes, 'cause they're wet and she'll catch cold, of course. Eyes closed, he successfully gets her shirt off, and sort of gets a dry one on her. As he's taking off her shorts, Yuka walks in. The studio audience laughs until it wets itself.

Back at the detention center, Mr. Glasses walks his assistant to room 7, where they house Number 7, Nana. A young girl, with short pink hair and horns. Oh, she's also chained to a wall with a number of dents in it, covered in blood, and naked. She's how they plan to get Lucy back. We zoom in as Nana looks up to where Mr. Glasses just walked in, and whispers, "Papa..." *sniff*

Elfen Lied: Episode 1

Bachelorette #1: We meet Lucy, doing what she does best, ripping limbs off people. The very first image after the opening sequence is a severed arm, bleeding on the floor. After taking out two guards, a naked Lucy, save an iron mask, hums the theme song and slowly walks away. The next seven minutes of episode one is dedicated to her killing fifty mall cops as she calmly escapes from a sleek, high-tech detention center. We get not-so-important exposition from one guard saying, "As long as you stay over two meters away, there's no danger! It said so in the manual!" Lucy quickly launches a pen she levitates off a corpse, and kills the guard. It figures we'd finally find a woman with a manual and she turns out to be a super-powered, mutant murderess. Just before she can finally escape the walls of the center, Lucy has to face 20 men with automatic rifles. Using not only her ability to block bullets with an unseen force, but the headless body of a secretary, Lucy guards herself from each bullet. The mall cops empty their clips then one pronounces that they don't have anymore bullets. It seems to me like they weren't adequately prepared for this to happen. Maybe you probably shouldn't hire mall security to guard your super-powered, mutant murderesses.

Leaving only the unarmed, be-suited man in charge - who I shall call, 'Mr. Glasses' - Lucy, very slowly, walks away towards an open door. Mr. Glasses orders her to be sealed in, but a mystery man at a console hits a button, and a door to the outside is opened. Mr. Glasses is left with one option: a sniper with an anti-tank rifle holding a 50 caliber bullet. The sniper, of course, messes up the shot, and only manages to wound poor, murderous Lucy, and knock off her iron mask. Lucy falls off a cliff, lands in the ocean, and triggers a title card to appear:

Bachelorette #2: Yuka, cousin to our soon-to-be protagonist, Kouta, walks around town looking for her cousin. Kouta has just, this moment, arrived in town, where both he and his cousin will be attending college. She finds him walking up a set of steps where he 'always used to go' to look at the ocean. Once they arrive at the beach, the two reminisce about Kouta's dead little sister, Kanae, who used to search for seashells there. After the flashback to prove to us young Kanae did in fact search for seashells, the cousins find before them a naked young woman, bleeding from the head. A head, by the way, we can now see is housed with two, short horns. And while she may look like Lucy, she is in fact:

Bachelorette #3: Lucy's brain-damaged alter-ego, Nyuu. After dressing Nyuu in Kouta's shirt, Yuka decides for Kouta that they should bring Nyuu home with them. I guess that's what you do with naked amnesiacs in Japan. Upon reaching Kouta's new house, it's explained that the house used to be a restaurant and has several rooms. This may become important later, seeing as how the two kidnap confused indigents. Shortly after entering the house, in what I hope is an attempt to illustrate her brain-damaged innocence, Nyuu falls to the floor and pisses herself. Which is immediately followed up by a two second bath scene with Yuka and Nyuu. Draw your own conclusions.

Back at the detention center, Mr. Glasses looks over the bloodied floor in Lucy's former room. The giant, metal restraint system that used to hold her, crumpled up, useless, and covered in blood. Trés chic. Mr. Glasses decided that Lucy must be destroyed, and they'll employ the SAT team to do it. Why does Lucy need destroying? Mr. Glasses: "If Lucy's memory is freed, mankind will perish." Ooh...

Cut-to: SAT team member Bando trains in a virtual reality game of Hostage Takers. After taking out the hostage takers on level one, Bando shoots the hostage. He still makes it to level two for some reason, where he switches his gun to automatic, and just shoots everyone. Because, how else would we know he's the bad guy? Bando yells at the control room that he wants to kill real people. 'Cause, 'bad guy.' After some small talk, a secretary walks up behind Bando and politely asks for his attention. He replies, by twisting around and breaking her face. Again, 'bad guy.' He should just wear a nametag. I'd have to cringe less.

Back at home, Kouta talks about a particular shell that his little sister found at the beach. The flashback tells us that she was pretty damned proud of it. "Soon after that," Kouta says, "she died from some illness." Yuka quietly questions this whole 'illness' story, but doesn't really speak up. The whole time, Nyuu watches Kouta tell his story, getting sadder and sadder, staring at the shell. So, she inches forward, grabs the shell, and breaks it in half with a smile. Kouta flips the fuck out and Nyuu runs out crying. Yuka informs Kouta that she broke the shell because Nyuu is kind of stupid, and thought the shell was making him sad. Aww. Yuka starts off to go look for her, because she's somehow their responsibility now. I guess.

On a helicopter, presumably nearby, Bando and team are geared up for battle.

On the beach, Nyuu is crying in the rain.

To be continued...