Bleach 138

Now that my summer hiatus has ended, I will return to reviewing the various and sundry anime shows that our dear readers enjoy. Naturally, this starts with Bleach, and over the summer we were treated a long series of fantastically dull filler episodes. “Filler?” you ask. “Yes,” I reply. You shout something like, “Sacre bleu!”—which is pretty surprising, given that you don’t know French.

Needless to say, I won’t be reviewing the many filler episodes. They were pretty dull. And bad. First we had a four part story with Matsumoto and some dead kids and a weird arrancar. The best parts were when bosomy Matsumoto tried on some new outfits and posed in them for a good long while, and also at the end when one of the dead kids realized, you know, that he and everyone he loved were dead and he started blubbering about the pain. Emotional money shot; I almost felt something.

Then they ruined it with a bunch of stupidity. Karin (Ichigo’s kid sister) had trouble with some soccer team filled with bullies, so she got Captain Hitsugaya to come play with her team. Then some kendo team was having trouble with another kendo team filled with bullies, so they got Ikkaku to come help them. Then some little shinigami were having trouble baking a cake, so they got Yumichiki to help them. Then there was this Hollow that was actually a dog, and some arrancar got stupid and tried to betray Aizen, and then something else I’m pretty sure I forgot. Finally, we’ve returned to the real story, and I stopped cursing this show for wasting my summer. I could have been at the beach, but I was at home watching crap instead.

Episode 138 opens with Ulquiorra and Yammy walking down a long hallway to join Aizen and a few other creepy arrancar. We don’t know who the new guys are yet, but I’m sure they’re all bad people. Aizen has someone wrapped up in bandages in a glass box, and he drops the Hougyoku inside. Aizen explains that the Hougy-thingie is still asleep, but that someone with twice the reiatsu of a shinigami captain—namely, him—can awaken it for brief moments to utilize its power. The bandages fall off the guy, Aizen asks him his name, and he answers, slowly, “Wonderwice Margera.” Looks like a nice kid. I think he’ll do well.

Aizen turns to Ulquiorra and tells him to carry out the secret order that he gave him earlier. Ulquiorra can take whomever he wants, but as Aizen walks away he looks at one-armed Grimmjaw and tells him to go, too. Grimmjaw glowers a bit, but the effect is kind of lessened because of the bright green mascara around his eyes.

Cut to Hiyori (the l’il vizard) beating up Ichigo. This is what passes for “training” in the world of Bleach. Some other vizard are talking about a manga book. Someone rings the dinner bell, and we assume they have a huge meal because the next thing we see is Ichigo washing a big pile of dishes. Lisa, the super sexy vizard who wears the schoolgirl uniform and glasses, teases Ichigo. Then follows a long discussion about Lisa’s porno books, which various vizard borrow at regular intervals. Lisa herself reads two porno books a day. She’s not a pervert, she merely has a “healthy interest.” Shinji, off by himself, probably because he hates porn, ruminates on how they need to train faster, more efficiently, and with a larger budget, if they hope to be ready by December (when the big battle is supposed to take place).

Cut to Soul Society, where Captain Ukitake and Hisagi (the guy with “69” tattooed on his face) are watching Rukia and Orihime training. This involves shooting little fireballs at each other, and also jumping around a bit. There’s a flashback involved, and some anime stupidity, and the entire scene is kind of boring, so there isn’t much to say.

Back in the real world, Yumichika is trying to break his sword (Fujikujaku) on a piece of rock. Turns out the sword is arrogant and vain and won’t materialize for Yumichika. Matsumoto doesn’t care, and notes that her own sword is lazy and selfish. They start arguing, and Captain Hitsugaya tells them to shut their pie-holes, because they need to be calm to talk to their swords. I suppose Yumichiki and Matsumoto are trying to release their bankai, but they won’t have time for that, for Ikkaku looks up into the air. Violent string music starts (always an ominous sign), and the sky unzips to reveal, not one, not two, but four arrancar! Yammy, Grimmjaw, Wonderwice, and some new kid all smile, look away petulantly, or just sort of stand there.

Yammy notices the shinigami looking up at them. The new guy taunts Grimmjaw a little big, and Grimmjaw flies away because it’s obvious he wants to fight Ichigo. As he’s leaving we can see that he has a big scar where his “6” tattoo used to be, and the new guy says that Grimmjaw is pretty useless now. Turns out Wonderwice is useless too. He just stares into space and moans a bit.

Things start to happen pretty quickly now. Hitsugaya attacks Yammy, Ikkaku and Yumichika gang up on the new guy (Luppi, who shows off the “6” tattoo on his hip, which makes me kind of uncomfortable), and Matsumoto holds up her sword toward Wonderwice, but he’s staring at some birds. I like him already.

Ichigo runs out of the vizard house, and Rukia heads off from Soul Society to join her friends in the real world. Orihime will have to follow after her. Orihime looks kind of down because she can’t go get killed right away (because, you know, her two hours of training have made her suddenly qualified to fight an Espada).

Ichigo runs into Grimmjaw floating in the air. He pulls out his bankai, and Grimmjaw yawns. He says that he could beat Ichigo with one arm cut off. We hear a rimshot. Ichigo gets ready to put on his Hollow mask, and I’m sure something very special will happen in the next episode.

Finally, in Kisuke’s vast underground training ground, Renji and Sado are both trying to go join the fight, Kisuke tells them that they’re both pretty tired. He’ll go instead.