Lovely Idol 5

My previous reviews have mainly focused on a few characters: Tomohiro the manager, Ruri his sister, and Mizuki the girl who sings for vengeance, but there are actually a few more girls. We start off this episode with Miu, the tall brown-haired girl, still trying to make a dog noise. Remember that last episode in the studio, instead of barking, she meowed. Turns out she still doesn’t know what a dog sounds like, as she keeps meowing. She’s even animated with a cute cat face and all that. The other girls are astounded, either by her obstinacy or stupidity I’m not sure.

Tomohiro suddenly bursts into the room, without even knocking. The girls have been asked to appear in a commercial with Sayuki one of the members of the original group of girls. There’s going to be dancing and bikinis on a beach and some kind of suntan lotion. It’s all very provocative, but I hear that’s par for the course in Japan. Harrison Ford once appeared in a bikini in a Japanese commercial. The girls assume that Sayuki demanded that they star in the commercial with her. They have no basis for making that assumption, but I think it’s sound.

Miu meows in pleasure and starts to practice the dance moves. Mizuki looks over the storyboard of the commercial with some anxiety. Tomohiro assures her that she, too, will be dancing in a bikini on a beach, and she becomes even more anxious. Tomohiro looks puzzled, because he’s a guy, and guys simply aren’t capable of telling what a woman is thinking. Besides, what girl doesn't want to appear in a commercial in a bikini? Miu grabs everyone and they start practicing their routine. They’re terrible, uncoordinated, and but there are plenty of shots of them in their tight outfits. Mizuki looks especially bad, and you can actually see the terror on her face as she’s moving around. I was actually pretty surprised, just this once, as most anime characters can either just scowl or smile. This show has real emotion depth, let me assure you.

They all arrive at the beach for the filming. Miu keeps meowing. Mizuki stares at the ground and sighs a lot. Off to the side Sayuki and Aneeki (the other manager) are sitting at a table covered with a big umbrella. We find out, finally, that Aneeki is Tomohiro’s sister. And also, I suppose, Ruri’s sister. Maybe there were clues about that earlier. Excuse me for not knowing Japanese. I mean, Ruri and Aneeki even had a scene together in the last episode, and Ruri didn't call her onee-sama or anything. Maybe Ruri hates me, just like I hate everyone. Anyway, it turns out that Aneeki is the one who demanded the new girls appear in the commercial, not Sayuki. I don’t know why. Now do I know what this is important. I probably could have just edited this part out. Tomohiro walks over and Sayuki gets all tongue tied. Aneeki puts him into a devastating choke hold of some type. Sayuki says that she hopes that he enjoys her work today. I think there’s something more going on here.

The new girls, meanwhile, have changed into their bikinis. They’re all different, and we get good, long, lingering shots of how they bend and pose. We zoom in on Mizuki’s ass and she looks a little horrified. One of the younger girls, Mai I think, complains about her childish one-piece. Suddenly, all the male crew members start cheering and running over, but they pass all the other girls and head straight for Ruri, who, while also wearing a one-piece, is built like a brick house. The other girls are in awe of her. Oh, and while all this is happening, Mizuki is nowhere to be seen. She’s probably off crying somewhere.

The girls watch Sayuki practice her routine a few times. They’re amazed by her professionalism. The director calls them all over to get ready. Tomohiro goes to Sayuki and tells her that she was wonderful. She looks disappointed and says, “That’s all?” Being a guy, he’s confused, but then he smiles and adds his thanks, for helping out his new girls. Now Sayuki looks like she’s about to cry.

The girls line up to show off their routine before everyone. Mizuki notices all the guys staring at her and clamps her eyes shut, but they don’t go away. They're real, Mizuki, looking at you with their eyes. Aneeki tells Tomohiro that if they don’t dance well there’s going to be big trouble.

The music starts and the girls begin to dance. The following scene is so ridiculous that I have to stop and watch it a few times. I think I cackled a bit. They’re not in sync, they look terrified. Miu is making up moves that aren’t in the routine. Mizuki is flailing about like a beached whale. She falls down. The director stops everything and berates everyone for wasting her time. She’ll just use Sayuki. Tomohiro runs over and bows and begs for another chance. The director looks like she’s about to agree, but Sayuki suddenly comes over and stabs Tomohiro in the back: the girls aren’t good enough. A woman scorned, eh?

The girls retreat to a dark shack where they sit, wallowing in their terrible shame. Mizuki stands apart because this is all her fault. Tomohiro comes and reassures them that even in failure there is a lesson to be learned. They go to watch Sayuki and the actual filming of the commercial. Soulful background music plays while Sayuki dances and talks about suntan lotion. The director says good job and they all start to pack it up, but Sayuki suddenly starts to feel guilty about what she did. Sure, Tomohiro is a clueless boob, but do the girls need to suffer because of him? I say yes, but Sayuki disagrees. She says that she wants to film using all of them. The director says sure (because she must not be on a budget). She gives the girls one hour to practice.

They run off to improve their coordination. As usual, Mizuki is the worst. Miu goes to check her out. There’s this weird scene where Miu is trying to watch her and Mizuki is sort of dancing and squeaking at the same time, turning away so Miu can’t see her. They finally stop and Mizuki admits that she can’t dance if someone is watching her; she’s embarrassed. The other girls note that she’s never embarrassed when she sings, but Mizuki says that it’s different. Then, the other girls, pretty much one-by-one, also admit that they’re embarrassed. Ruri admits that she’s a terrible dancer. Mai imagines that everyone is a pumpkin. Another girls (Tomoho? Tahoe?) pretends to write “person” on her palm and then swallows the word. Mizuki agrees to try. Then they all turn on Miu for being so crazy and exuberant. She agrees to be a part of the team. They start to get all weepy and reflective, but Mai screams that they need to practice.

Back in the shack, Tomohiro thanks Sayuki for giving the girls another chance. She says, “Don’t you have something else to say to me?” He looks confused again.

Everyone lines up on the beach. Mizuki concentrates and begins to see everyone with a big green pumpkin head. I didn’t know they come in green. Looks weird. The music starts, they dance, and at the end we see the director, scowling. She suddenly smiles. Excellent!

Everyone really does pack up now, and the girls bow to everyone in thanks. Sayuki keeps asking Tomohiro if he has anything else to say to her. Aneeki comes and beats him up, and she takes Sayuki away. Sayuki looks back over her shoulder and thinks that she wanted Tomohiro to tell her that she looked cute. I’m actually kind of disappointed that they added that last part. One of the “strengths” of the show is that it relies a great deal on things that are unsaid. I hear that women communicate nonverbally a lot, maybe one of them writes this. Except for that last scene. Some guy animator probably kept being really obnoxious about not knowing what Sayuki really wanted Tomohiro to say, and I bet the woman writer just added that last part to shut him up.

Final scene, the girls get a dvd of the commercial. They gather around to watch. All they see is Sayuki. They’ve been reduced to tiny background dancers during the final shot of the spinning, shining suntan lotion bottle. How disappointing. Oh, these girls. Will they ever get their big break?

Lovely Idol 4

It’s been a while since I watched “Lovely Idol,” and I’d kind of forgotten what the show was about. Luckily, I had my reviews to rely upon, and quickly got back up to speed. I’m quite sure they’re the only English language resource of their kind, which makes us the English Speaking World’s Number One “Lovely Idol” Resource. I can’t speak for what the Japanese have about “Lovely Idol.” I’m sure someone had erected a golden statue of Mizuki or something. If you’ve forgotten who she is (and you probably have), go read my reviews again.

Tomohiro (the girl’s manager) is talking to a recording engineer of some sort, and extolling the virtues of his new set of girls. Everything is going swimmingly, until his sister, Ruri, shows up, ostensibly to deliver an umbrella, but I think she’s just being nosy. The recording engineer takes them down to the recording studio, and they see Yui, one of the older idols, doing some…recording for her newest drama CD. The engineer also gives them a bag with a DVD of the latest episodes of “Magical Girl Sunny,” who fights monsters or something. Yukimi, another of the older Idols, is one of the voice actors. Tomohiro and Ruri also get a big stack of scripts, so that the girls can all practice their anime voice acting.

Tomohiro and Ruri are walking outside, and Ruri is complimenting Tomohiro about how hard he works for everyone. She promises to help him as much as she can, but Tomohiro suddenly becomes very concerned and starts to tell her about the thing she has to work on most herself. He sort of trails off and doesn’t tell her, and Ruri gets self-conscious because now she doesn’t know what’s so terribly wrong with her. At that moment it starts raining, and that provides a good distraction for Tomohiro to run off and leave her alone, despite the fact that she’s the one with the umbrella.

Back in the studio, the girls are perusing the scripts. Even Mizuki (remember that she’s the one singing for revenge). Ruri encourages them all to practice reading. Ruri decides to act as the cute dog. She has the cutest habit of referring to herself in the third person. It’s not annoying at all. So the girls start reading aloud. Mizuki is the evil villain, and she does sound pretty evil, if being evil means having no personality she’s got it nailed. The other girls all vary. Some are terrible; others not so bad. Ruri barks pretty well. They discuss their notes and touch upon the subtle vagaries of the performing arts for a while.

Back at the Tomohiro/Ruri homestead, Tomohiro wants to tell his sister something, but, again, he just can’t bring himself to say it. I don’t see how this guy can handle the cutthroat world of pop-star management. Ruri goes to her room and works on something secret. The next morning Tomohiro, still in bed, gets a call from Ruri. He’s come down with a bad flu; the girls can head over to the recording studio on their own and he’ll meet them there. Ruri tells him not to bother. She’ll take care of everything. She’s even made a business card of her own! She hangs up on her confused brother, but I can see precisely what’s happening. She’s going to supplant him as manager. Now we can see which child was loved more.

On the street Ruri tells the others that Tomohiro isn’t coming. They say that they can’t go without their manager, but Ruri announces that now she’s the manager. I’m starting to like her now. Cue commercial break.

At the studio the girls listen in as Yukimi and the others record for the latest episode of “Magical Girl Sunny.” Ruri and Aneki, the manager of the older groups, are bickering about Tomohiro. Ruri adores him; Aneki thinks he’s a moron. They leave that debate unresolved. Back to the recording. All the voice actors are in a big studio reading together. I kind of thought that voice actors recorded alone, and then everything was mixed together, but I’ll let this slide for the sake of drama. Mizuki notices that the script being read is not the same one that the girls practiced with the day before. It’s an old script (they didn’t notice, presumably because no one must watch “Magical Girl Sunny;” everyone I know says it’s terrible). They get the new scripts, and the recording engineer says that they need someone to voice the little dog.

The new girls line up in the studio, except for Ruri, who’s being a manager. One by one they woof a bit, to see who’s the best dog. Awful. The last girl meows. She doesn't even get the concept. The recording engineer kind of sighs and says that they’re no good. Ruri asks for another try for the girls, but he tells her, quite rightly, that they won’t get any better. Now Aneki (that other manager) starts to pile on too, castigating Tomohiro (who isn’t even there) for bringing on a bunch of stupid amateurs. Okay, I added “stupid” myself, but I’m sure that’s what she’s thinking. The recording engineer listens nervously. Aneki insults Ruri some more, until finally Ruri demands to try being that damn dog herself. Miku smiles, as if this is what she was planning the entire time. I mean, you’d obviously want to get rid of a younger, prettier, more ambitious rival manager, wouldn’t you?

I sort of forgot to mention that Tomohiro has dragged himself out of bed and shows up outside the studio in a little surgical facemask. He can’t go in because the “recording” light is on, but through the glass he can see Ruri bowing or something. Just then Aneki grabs her and hurts him a bit. She does it out of love.

Ruri gets into the studio and marches up to the microphone and barks her best bark. She turns around to see the recording engineer just smiling at her. No one says anything, so she starts to assume that he must be silently laughing at her ineptitude, but then he shouts that she’s perfect! Yukimi waggles a big stuffed bunny at her, and Mizuki starts the one-person-slowly-clapping thing at her. Everyone joins in! Ruri has vindicated the entire team!

They’re walking home that evening, and Tomohiro flashes back to the studio. Yukimi is talking to him through her stuffed rabbit. The rabbit says that the new group isn’t so bad. Okay. Then the rabbit tells Tomohiro not to forget about Yukimi. The rabbit goes away, and she looks sadly at him. What’s that about? Did he have a relationship with every single one of the older girls? Back to the present, Ruri can tell that something is on his mind, but he doesn’t tell her about Yukimi, and she seems satisfied with his terrible, terrible lies. Ruri gives Tomohiro all of her homemade business cards and states that she’s retiring from being a manager. She runs to join the other girls, and all is well in pop stardom.

Lovely Idol 3

This episode dives right into the action: a pajama party! The girls are dancing around on the bed, falling off, thinking about how they’ll soon be Lovedols and famous and singing their little animated hearts out. Ruri, Tomohiro’s sister, has just joined, and pretty much admits that she’s completely talentless, and her only goal is to help her bother be a good manager. The other girls don’t seem at all bothered by this. They just want Mizuki to come hurry up and join them, so they can have their damn debut.

Mizuki, meanwhile, goes home. I originally thought that maybe she was homeless, but she actually lives in a tiny one-room apartment, sans decoration or personality, where I bet she plans all her revenge. She keeps thinking about what Tomohiro offered her: to help her achieve that same revenge. She should definitely take him up on that offer.

The next day the five girls go to a pastry shop to meet Chocorat, two members of the first generation of the Lovedols. Chocorat, to tell the truth, is actually two girls, and they seem to dance around as Twin Maid Unit or something, and Hina, one of the new girls, is their little sister. Chocorat give the new girls general advice on being famous, like “don’t shave your hair off to avoid drug tests,” and “don’t swing umbrellas at cars.” Then they invite them to a special “secret concert.” Simultaneously, Mizuki is at home practicing her songs, but she’s still thinking about what Tomohiro said to her. Or maybe she’s constipated. Anyway, as I mentioned last time, everyone can tell that there’s someone (or something?) that she wants to receive her music, and Tomohiro can help her achieve that. She walks to her desk, where his card is resting, but she throws it away. I’m sure it’s only because her own plans for revenge are so far along that any interference would be ruinous.

The next scene shows a line of people holding tickets to get into a little concert hall. Inside, the girls are watching Chocorat practice and clap politely when they finish. Chocorat and their manager (Aneki) go backstage to get ready, and the new girls look wistfully at the stage. Tomohiro promises them that one day they will get a stage of their own, but everyone knows that he’s lying.

Back to Mizuki, who’s just recling on her bed. I don’t imagine that she has much of a life. She sleeps, wakes up, practices, plots her revenge, and then sings about it. She finally notices the bag that Tomohiro gave her and dumps everything out on her bed. Inside there’s a ticket to the Chocorat concert. Dumbfouned, Mizuki stares at it. Will this help her achieve revenge?

Backstage at the theater, Chocorat are getting dressed, but Aneki is freaking out because she forgot their maid costumes! Some old guy offers to go collect them from the warehouse (because who wants to see girls sing and dance in their normal clothes?) but that will delay the show, which everyone knows in Japan is completely unacceptable. It’s true.

And Mizuki lays on her bed and stares at the ticket.

Aneki runs at Tomohiro and demands that he think of something to stall the crowd whilst Chocorat get their costumes and get dressed. They toss about various ideas until someone suggests: hey, let the new girls sing to warm up the crowd! The girls suddenly get shy and start to hesitate, but Hina says that she just wants to help her sisters and asks the other girls to lend her their strength. This part makes me feel strange and uncomfortable and I don’t want to write about it any more, so let’s just say that the girls are going to sing some songs from the first batch of Lovedols, but another problem comes up. The songs were written for six girls, but they are only five. Tomohiro looks worried, but he suddenly slaps his forehead and runs down the hall. Naturally, he runs into Mizuki, who’s descending the stairs to the theater. She angrily says that she only came to return the ticket, but Tomohiro isn’t standing for that, and he grabs her hand and yanks her after him.

In the theater, the lights go dark, and everyone starts clapping. We see some of the girls standing nervously, but they turn around and see two more dragging Mizuki after them. Watching this, I’m flabbergasted. Why did Tomohiro and the rest waste so much time trying to convince her to join, since all it apparently would have taken was force?

The girls stand on stage, the lights go up, and everyone starts to boo, as one can expect. I mean, if you pay money to see two girls singing dressed up as maids, you better fucking well see two girls singing dressed up as maids. Nevertheless, they start singing, and the boos begin to turn into cheers. The girls start to smile, and even Mizuki, who looks pretty reluctant, begins to surrender to the sweet siren call of pop stardom.

Afterward, they’re sitting in a dressing room, still feeling pretty good about their performance. Mizuki is sitting off by herself, but the girls all stand up and start to ruminate on how wonderful it would be to have her join them. Aneki comes in and says that Chocorat want the girls to come back to the stage. Mizuki, being hateful or something, hangs back, but the other girls just grab her and they all run out. Tomohiro is left all by himself, but Ruri comes back and says something cute.

Lovely Idol 2

Like all good pop music, this is one little nugget that gets stuck in your head. You doubt this? The last episode ended with the purple-haired girl singing some song, and that song made its way into my mental playlist. Yes, mixed with the Beethoven and Britney Spears, suddenly appeared some little ditty composed by a faraway anime recording artist. No one is more shocked than me. I may just have to kill myself now.

The episode opens with our humble manager, Tomohiro, sitting with his sister, Ruri. They're looking at a laptop computer and flipping through internet pictures of the purple-haired girl. Her name: Mizuki. Her misson: To sing terribly sad songs on the street. Tomohiro is obsessed with her, staring at her pictures, daydreaming about her, following her after every performance, only to be rebuffed again and again. Mizuki sees right through him. All he wants is to use her to make money. At least he's not trying to assault her. She has high expectations of her men.

Meanwhile, the four girls who didn't get their debut in the previous episode continue to practice, dancing and singing. Eventually, they start to notice that Tomohiro, their manager, is spacing out a lot more than usual, and they follow him. They see him listening to Mizuki, being quite rudely turned back, and the girls retreat to the safey of a shower. Unfortunately, it's not a big group shower. They're each in their little stalls, but this doesn't impede their conversations. They decide to try to recruit Mizuki themselves! With gusto like this, I don't see how this batch won't make it to the big stage. Do you think this will happen in episode four or five?

The next evening Tomohiro is shocked to find that his girls aren't in the studio practicing. So what does he do? He goes on a date, with one of the group's older members, Toko. We learn that she and Tomohiro dated for a while previously, and we're kind of jealous, as she looks pretty fetching in her sunglasses and white cap (her incognito outfit). They stroll into the crowd, she notes how they almost look like a couple, and I mutter something about how this almost feels like a plot.

The younger girls are naturally harassing Mizuki, to try to convince her to join them. They attempt various hare-brained schemes, all of which involve talking to her, but Mizuki is less responsive than a brick wall. Now, I've had some dates go pretty badly, but at least each time the girl would sort of talk to me (or stab me with a broken drinking glass), but this Mizuki seems to be pathologically silent. Must have something to do with how much she hates to sing.

The last of the four girls is about to try talking to Mizuki when Tomohiro finds them. He shames the girls a bit and they say that they're just trying to help, but they ask (and quite reasonably I think) why he wants the add Mizuki. What does it say about them as they are? Tomohiro simply says that someday they'll understand, and I hope that day comes soon because I'm with the girls here. And I also hate when people say "someday you'll understand," because it just as likely means that they don't have an answer themselves yet. They're just trying to sound smart.

The girls notice Toko. She tells them not to give up hope, and then they sit down to listen to Mizuki sing. In the background, Tomohiro asks Toko what she thinks of Mizuki. Toko gets upset and asks Tomohiro if this is the only reason he asked her out. He says of course, which means that he's a tremendous fool, because every guy knows that the right answer is, "No, this is entirely a coincidence. I wanted to be with you."

Toko eventually says that, yes, Mizuki is filled with pain, and she may hate singing, but she's nonetheless singing. She has a purpose of some sort in perpetuating her agony. "But what about ours?" I'm asking myself, but right then Toko's present manager shows up, and she kicks Tomohiro's ass. Toko seems to be strictly off-limits to him.

Everyone leaves and Tomohiro goes to talk to Mizuki one more time. He sneaks up behind her and basically tells her what Toko told him. He doesn't care why she's singing, or on whom she wants revenge, but he'll help her achieve whatever goal she wants. This finally prompts a reaction from the brick wall that is Mizuki. She calls Tomohiro "interesting," which in Japan is a great honor, I think. He leaves her alone then, but not after giving her a bag of food. So I guess she's poor or homeless.

The show's still not over, unfortunately. Tomohiro and the girls are back at the studio when he suddenly gets a call. There's a new member coming. Who could it be? The door opens. We see Ruri, his sister! Maybe she'll bring some life to this show, and maybe I won't hum the theme song as I walk to work.

Lovely Idol 1

Sometimes I just don't understand what people are thinking when they write or draw or animate something. I mean, someone has to sit down and think, "This is a great idea!" And then, someone has to draw it all, thinking, "This is fucking fantastic!" I'm sure there are plenty of other steps, too, like voice recording and stuff, but all along the way people are saying to themselves, "Wow!" and giving each other high-fives and pats on the back and the like.

Lovely Idol inspires that kind of confusion. What is this about? This is a story? It starts off with a bunch of girls singing, and then another bunch of girls singing and dancing and moving around the stage and making hearts with their fingers. I couldn't follow all of their names; I didn't even try. After about ten minutes of that, we finally introduce some plot, as a we look stage left and see a handsome guy standing in the wings. One of the girl singers takes the microphone and gushes about how great life is and how she hopes this isn't all a dream and that she has a big announcement.

The guy gets his cue and rushes backstage to a dressing room, where we find four more girls. He names them, or possibly mutters, and tells them that it's almost time. I'm starting to think that this is some kind of Morning Musume thing. Morning Musume, in case you aren't as conversant in Japanese pop culture as I am, is a group of female singers that keeps introducing different "generations" of singers, so that as some get older younger members replace them. It's like a neverending pop band.

Anyway, they're all leaving for the stage, for their dramatic debut, when the girl on the stage (who they can see on a TV monitor) suddenly says that the introduction of the new members is being delayed! What?! The new girls are naturally flummoxed. The guy promises to get to the bottom of this.

He runs off to a garage to confront the President, a Cruella type about to get in a huge car. She says that the new members aren't ready yet. The guy, Tomohiro is his name, asks why. The President looks at him like he's a moron and states that the new girls won't have their debut until he "gets it." Nice one, President. Now he's the reason for their failure. He'll wallow in guilt and work his ass off, because he feels like a loser. Not that he isn't a loser, mind you. She must have learned that technique in a book on management.

I still don't understand why I'm watching this, but before I can blink it's morning and Tomohiro is eating breakfast. His sister comes in and bothers him, also explaining that the problem with the new girls is simply that there aren't enough of them. See, the previous two "generations" had six girls each, but this one only has four. Who wants to see four girls? You'd have to be crazy to want that.

Tomohiro goes to the office where the new girls are standing in a line. They tell him that they're not going to give up. No way. You have to admire their spunk. Then they start practicing smiling, waving their arms, and breathing, and I can start to see what the President was talking about.

That night, Tomohiro is walking around the city. He's going through a tunnel (which is a sexual metaphor if I've ever seen one, and I've seen plenty) just as a purple-haired girl is going the opposite direction. They pass, and he can hear her singing. Lured by her siren call, he has to follow, and watches her sit on a street corner to croon for pedestrians. She doesn't move her mouth while this is happening, which I'm thinking is either artistic license or she's just really damn good.

After she packs up and heads for home, Tomohiro follows her. It's obvious that he wants to recruit her, but he's feeling a little bit guilty, because doing so would pretty much admit that the four new girls by themselves just aren't good enough. The President's evil plan is working. He does finally talk to the purple-haired girl and says that she should come in for her debut, but she turns her back to him. Why would anyone do that? "But you must sing!" Tomohiro shouts. "I hate to sing," the girl replies, which staggers Tomohiro, much as a World War II era cruiser would stagger under the weight of an enemy bomb. She sings, she hisses, for revenge.

Not a bad way to end a terrible show. Who thought this was a good idea?